Hope Aaron Adair <3
So I was on your tumblr and was pressing that random post button for like 30 minutes just to see what would come up and came across a post, i think was meant for teddy, but i love the way you wrote it, i love it. it explains exactly what i couldn’t put in to words.
“I have the playlist of you on shuffle. And I’m thinking. I’m thinking of just how wonderful we are. Despite our flaws, which have surfaced in a grotesque, intense way lately, we are a beautiful thing. I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that I will always forgive you and always provide comfort when you need it. I promise to laugh with you and laugh at you. I will give you joy, and at times, grief. But, being you, you’ll know exactly how to handle it. I’ll cook you breakfast on Saturday morning and take care of you when you’re feeling ill. I’ll critique you and be proud of you. I’ll compromise. I’ll listen. I’ll sympathize. I won’t push anything on you. I won’t force you to do anything. I won’t shut myself away from you. I promise to love you, good and bad, fighting or laughing, rain or shine. I’ll love you when I’m away, if I’m ever away. I’ll love you when I hate you. I’ll try my hardest not to be grouchy when I’m sleepy. I promise to beat you in Scrabble every time. I promise to argue. I’ll beg in my cute voice for you to make me tea when I’m too lazy to get out of bed. I’ll let you take a shower first if you really want to. And if not, just jump in with me. I promise to always love you. Always. Being on the verge of LITERALLY losing you lately has opened my eyes. Not only to how I feel, but how I should spend my time. How I should handle situations. You hear me say sometimes how you’ve changed me and made me a better person. But it’s an ever flowing thing. Every day is like being born again when you’re part of my picture. Every day I learn something new or feel something new. Every day.
And every day I will attempt to return the favor.
Every day I will love you.”
reading that may bring back memories you don’t want to remember but i love you, so let me do that. <3
fuck my life. literally.
I was going to vent but what’s the point? No matter what I say or do… it just never gets threw to you. I’m not going to be here forever. I’m not going to sit here and wait to see when it’s convenient for you. I want you to make the effort, I want you to show me how you feeling, I want you to want me. I am tired of asking and asking and asking because all I get is excuse, excuse, excuse. I just worked almost 9 hours straight and haven’t seen you in almost 3 days, what in the fuck do you think I want to do? Spend the some god damn time with you. Honestly, when someone you love doesn’t give you enough time with them or anything like that, things start to change. feelings and emotions toward that person start to diminish and i don’t want that. But what does all this even matter? You focus on me and us, you lose contact with your friends and struggle with school. You focus on school, you lose contact with me. I know which is more important and what’s actually going to happen, so why am I continuously trying to stop it from happening? i know it’s not what i want but it’s what going to happen. if what i want is possible, it would of happened by now. I honestly don’t know where this is going…. and I need to know or how some sort of direction. I hate being lost
I’m sorry.
Last night, was horrific. I was not myself. I was wrong. I literally beat down a door for over an hour and caused the girl I love to lay in her bed crying, scared to death, thinking i’m going to break in and do something to her. I know where she gets these thoughts, I was a fucking lunatic. From this day forward, no more thinking about myself before her. She comes first. Her happiness, her state of mind, her schedule, her practice time, especially her alone time. I am going to respect and correctly handle the situations at hand in the right manor and not blow up like I did last night. That’s a promise. I use to get jealous over the stupidest shit. A little heart by his name, Him coming to your house, you talking to him… just him in general. It was immature and childish and the fights that have occurred sure as fuck did not fix the situation but broke us more, made our hole even deeper. I was focused on him and what he was saying to you instead of realizing I already had you, you weren’t going anywhere. I realize that now. I wasted so much time on useless shit because of jealousy. No more of that. I mean I did have some sort of right to be jealous but anyways, I have no where to stand on the matter. She told me we will never be together again and I can’t change that. It’s time to step up to the plate and eat crow. Here is to a new change, in myself, and putting other people before myself.
.
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I love you, Hope Aaron Adair.
